If it hurts you're doing it wrong (yeah, ... okay)

So I figured I would take it waaay back for my first post.   Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday... my first daughter was born - beautiful, angelic, perfect, (insert adjective here).  I had read "What to Expect When Expecting" cover to cover and was thrilled about beginning my new journey.

First on the list - Breastfeeding! What can possibly be more natural and rewarding that that?!  At least that's what I read, anyway.  

So just after she was cleaned up and swaddled oh so sweetly, the nurse brought her over to me.  I must have been a little woozy from the experience still, hell maybe the epidural helped to suppress the pain of latching on.  Either way, my first attempt was somewhat successful.  "YES!  This is going to be a piece of cake!" I thought.

Later that day the nurse brought my bundle of joy.  She was hungry.  I got this!

Damn, was I wrong!  Toes curled, tears streaming down my face, whimpers interrupted by screams of agony.  What was going on?  It seemed so easy before!  Why did it hurt so much?  Just then the doctor came in to check on me.

Doctor:  "So how are the feedings coming along?"

Me: "Well, not so good.  It really hurts and I don't think I can do it."

Doctor:  "Well if it hurts you're doing it wrong."

Really?!  Cause I thought I was doing everything right.  And it wasn't like my daughter wasn't getting anything.   Lord, it's like she was trying to slurp a Wendy's Frosty through a coffee stir stick!  Try it, you have to suck really, really, really hard and your cheeks start to hurt and your face gets all red.  Anyway.

I am a pretty competitive person in general so I wasn't going to let this nursing thing beat me!  Hell no.  I stuck it out and eventually (after about two months) the pain subsided until the biting began.  That's a whole separate blog post.  Let's just say I have the scars to prove it.  Brings to mind a famous movie exchange from Silence of the Lambs.


Lecter: Tell me, Senator. Did you nurse Katherine yourself?
Senator Martin: What?
Lecter: Did you breast feed her?
Aide: Now wait a minute...
Senator Martin: Yes. I did.
Lecter: Toughened your nipples, didn't it?
Aide: You sonofabitch...

Bottom line is this:  When they tell you "If it hurts you're doing it wrong" don't quit!  For some, it DOES hurt!  Sorry my feeding apparatus is not made of steel.  I happen to feel everything that goes on there, which in my case is a blessing and a curse.

The other bottom line is this:  If you feel like to can't do it, don't beat yourself up over it.  Your child will turn out just fine on formula.  Just remember, tougher nips have tried and failed.  At least you can say you tried.